An Especially Sweet One - #118

#118 MICHAEL S. CARONA
FORMER ORANGE COUNTY SHERIFF

This one is especially sweet because its got it all: sex, money, power, sanctimony, law enforcement. Fuck, the only thing missing is drugs. What makes it even better is that a conservative Christian sheriff was involved

Carona makes a big deal out of his Christian faith--which should set off alarm bells right there. Most people proud of their faith don't make a big deal about it because they figure God knows already. Who gives a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut if WE do? Carona was elected sheriff in 1998; Five years ago, the Drunken Frat Boy named Carona to the Emergency Response Senior Advisory Committee on Homeland Security. A year later, Governor Ah-nuld appointed Carona as a commissioner in the California State Athletic Commission; he became a member of MENSA. Things were looking up.

And then the roof fell in.

The roof was in the form of Orange County District Attorney Tony Rackaukas who hit Carona with an indictment in 2007 alleging:

-Carona received a boat, boxing tickets, and over $112,000 in cash in illegal, unreported gifts.
- Carona instructed former Assistant Sheriff Donald Haidl, to testify falsely before a grand jury.
- Carona instructed an employee in 2005 to lie to investigators about a sexual relationship she had with him [i.e. his mistress] as further evidence of tampering with winesses.
- Carona used his office for personal financial gain.

Carona is also on record as being a rather vindictive fellow. After he won re-election in 2006, he put one of his challengers, Bill Hunt, on administrative leave before demoting him six months later to a slot just above entry-level. Hunt got the message and retired.

But now, Hunt has a front-row seat reserved for him at Carona's trial, which was supposed to take place late THIS month, but which Carona's attorney's have succeeded in delaying until late October. A team of plastic surgeons have labored for *months* to get the shit-eating grin off Hunt's face, to no avail. He plans to wave at Carona as he is being frog-marched out of the courtroom to enjoy his first dinner of gristle and cornbread as a guest of the Feds. Rumors are that there are placards printed up showing the cramped interiors of prison cells with the notation: 'HERE IS WHERE MICHAEL CARONA'S SANCTIMONIOUS ASS WILL DIE' above them.

If convicted on all charges, Carona is looking at 103 years.

With many thanks to republicanoffenders.com.

S. Olson