The Reappearence of GOP Cocksucker #20 - #284

#284 ROBERT COUGHLIN, II
DEPUTY CHIEF OF STAFF FOR THE CRIMINAL DIVISION AT THE
DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

This guy was a beaut. You know how people like to say that
there is one system of justice for the elite and another system
of justice for the rest of us? It's because of guys like Coughlin
that that feeling exists.

Coughlin was in charge of the probe into GOP cocksucker #47
(JACK ABRAMOFF) You know why this scandal seems to take
forever? Two reasons. One, the damn thing is so huge and
second, GOP Cocksucker #284 did his best to slow everything
down, following the time-tested GOP Cocksucker strategy of
running out the clock. 'They only want our seats,' the theory
goes. 'Once we leave, everything will go away.' The only flaw in
that is that we don't just want their seats, we want their
asses too.

Anyway, turns out that #284 resigned from his job at Justice
after it was shown that he was taking goodies from GOP
Cocksucker #127 (KEVIN RING). Now #127 was one of #47's
henchmen. Here's what he took from #127:

- 23 meals at #47's restaurant, Signatures
- 20 tickets to Abramoff's skyboxes on seven occasions.
- Five tickets to three concerts and one round of golf.

All this stuff was worth between $4,800 to $6,180. In
exchange, #284 helped #47 get a $16.8 million grant for the
Mississippi band of Choctaw Indians, who were one of #47's
clients.

The most interesting part is that after #284 quit, the case of
#47, which #284 was in charge of investigating, goes into
high gear. Maybe there was no connection but hey, take a
peek:

- #284 quits April 6, 2007:
- Two days later #47 starts squealing in the hope of getting a lighter sentence in the Sun Cruz crimes (which involve murder, among other things)
- April 13, #127 quits his law firm.
- The same day, GOP Cocksucker #299 (JOHN DOOLITTLE,) who used to employ #284 as his chief of staff, and his wife, Judy, get their home searched by the FBI.
- It gets better.
- On April 20, #299, who used to be a congressman, steps down from seat on the
Appropriations Committee and starts a defense fund.
- April 23 - GOP Cocksucker #273 (MARK ZACHARES) pleads guilty to one charge of conspiracy to deprive the public of honest services that included Abramoff giving him cash, $30,000 in sporting tickets and the promise of a high-paying
lobbying job.
- April 24 - #273's guilty plea is announced and he will cooperate with prosecutors. Who does this scare the shit out of? None other that ex-Rep. Tom Feeney, a GOP cocksucker of the Florida 24th. (No number yet)
- April 25 - GOP Cocksucker #54 (EX-REP. TOM DELAY) and GOP Cocksucker #288,(ED BUCKHAM) #54's former chief of staff, are announced to be under investigation by the FBI.
-April 27 - The news about #284's resignation breaks.
-April 29 - Two days after that reporters start connecting the dots from
the guilty plea of GOP Cocksucker #273 to GOP Cocksucker #289 (REP. DON YOUNG) of
Alaska.
- April 30 - Reporters start connecting another set of dots from the guilty plea of #273 to a report about slavery and other unsavory labor practices in the commonwealth of the Northern Marianas islands.

The penalty for Bob? 10 months in jail.

[UPDATE: I accidentally listed #284 for the SECOND time. He was originally GOP Cocksucker #20. Bob gets out of jail just as the Drunken Frat Boy administration is crashing to the ground.]

S. Olson