You know, Gerald Newton of North Pole, Alaska AKA FESTUS, is full of rage that I keep posting the GOP Cocksuckers. Hi, Festus - #301

#301 KEITH URBAHN
SPOKESMAN FOR FORMER SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD

All people in government need spokesmen as their nice face to the press because most of them just say the wrong thing at the wrong time. The GOP Cocksuckers need it even more, mainly because they have more than the average bear to hide.

Say hello to Keith Urbahn. He wasn't convicted of a crime. He just acted like your typical GOP Cocksucker.

Urbahn is a current spokesman for former Defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who was riding high in 2003 when the Iraqi miliary was collapsing due to the relentless onslough of American forces.

But then the Occupation began and American kids started getting killed in greater and greater numbers. Most of it was due to Rumsfeld's insistence on small, mobile forces. The U.S. found itself without enough troops to police the country, not to mention the weapons caches that were lying all over the place. Insuregents began looting the explosives caches and those explosives started turning up in Improvised Explosive Devices, which were killing American kids in larger and larger numbers.

Rumfeld was furious that all the praise he HAD been getting disappeared. The word 'incompetent' was bandied about whenever the subject of the defense secretary came up. The Drunken Frat Boy said he had the utmost confidence in Rumsfeld.

Then when the 2004 elections were over a couple of weeks later, the Drunken Frat Boy canned him.

If that wasn't bad enough, from Rumsfeld's point of view, all these little snakes that had scores to settle with him and had long, ugly memories, started coming out of the woodwork. All those people who got called 'traitors' when the Iraqi Occupation began, for doubting it from the git-go, went for Rummy's throat, too. Suddenly, Rumsfeld went from being a heralded Secretary of Defense to a stubborn old fart who got thousands of our kids killed for nothing.

Nothing galled him more than a story from David Barstow of the New York Times about the Pentagon using retired military analysts to publicly cheerlead for the Iraq war. It pissed Rumsfeld off because there were a lot of those 'snakes' telling Barstow just where to go to get the most dirt and just what questions he needed to ask while putting together his story. Rumsfeld was nearly beside himself with fury because he couldn't stop Barstow or threaten to have him blackballed from the Pentagon forever.

To make matters worse, as far as Rumsfeld was concerned, Barstow won a Pulitzer prize for the piece. Spurred by the article the Department of Defense initiated a report from the Inspector General's office. To Rumsfeld's delight, when the report came out, it largely exonerated the DOD.

Rumsfeld wasted no time in siccing Urbahn onto Barstow. The story didn't even merit a place in the paper, Urbahn sneered, much less a Pulitzer. "Between the New York Times and the Pentagon's inspector general office, it's pretty clear which is a more credible and non-partisan source."

But then the IG's office WITHDREW the report, saying it was not up to the standards for a typical IG work product. Meawhile, Barstow kept his job.

Guess we found out which was more credible.

Even though Rumsfeld was gone from the DOD, Urbahn nearly had a cow. The withdrawing of the report make him look like a clueless flack. He immediately blamed the Obama administration for having the DOD's inspector's general office write a flawed report that was so bad they had to withdraw it. Trouble with that theory is when the report came out the Drunken Frat Boy was still in charge.

Sometime in the night. Urbahn's fax machine quietly rolled a sheet of paper into it's tray. It was headed: "Hey Keith!" Below that was a blowup of a big grin and a middle finger.

S. Olson