Never Let It Be Said that the South Carolina Gubernatorial Race is Not Great Fun

I mean, everywhere you look there's another politician humiliating him or herself in public and for what? The chance to lead a statefull of batshit-crazy loonies? Never forget it was THIS state and it's fire-breathing denizens that plunged the country into a bloody civil war 145 years ago. Before the Civil War started, there was a letter to the Columbia, S.C. paper that on the subject of secession said in part: "Pardon me, but is the majority ALWAYS drunk?" Another dude commented that secession made no sense because "South Carolina is too small to be a republic and too large for an insane asylum."

The entire fracas is over who will replace GOP Cocksucker #308 (GOV. MARK SANFORD) who is term-limited. The prospect of seeing the back of #308 is producing a sigh of relief on the part of the state GOP. If he were up for re-election, he couldn't get the votes of people he paid, not after he lied and told them he was hiking the Appalachian Trail when what he was REALLY doing was flying down to Buenos Aires at state expense for sexytime with his Argentinian mistress.

Candidate A, Patty Haley, otherwise on my list as GOP Cocksucker #400, has political consultants like GOP Cocksucker #448 (LARRY MERCHANT) practically taking numbers to say, "Yeah, I fucked her."

Meanwhile, Candidate B, otherwise known as GOP Cocksucker #363 (LT. GOV. ANDRE BAUER) is stammeringly trying to distance himself from #448 but trying to keep the sex allegations alive at the same time. Bauer is now demanding that #400 take a polygraph test about the affair with #448.

Candidate C (ATTORNEY GENERAL HENRY McMASTER) came out and said today that this primary is "simply embarrassing."

If this is not funny enough, a state representative (JAKE KNOTTS) who supports #363, said on a talk show yesterday that President Obama and #400 were both 'ragheads,' which apparently is the new 'nigger.' Knotts said we already had a raghead in the White House and we didn't need another one in the Governor's mansion. Braced on it, an astonished and chagrined Knotts apologized, saying some of his best friends were ragheads.

But in response to Candidate C, lets face it, one, GOP Cocksuckers HAVE no sense of shame and two, this is the state where that dude kept fucking a horse is from. Case closed.


With thanks to TPM Muckrakerand Politico.