GOP Cocksucker #412, The Flat Tire

I'm talking about the endorsement of GOP Cocksucker #412 (SARAH PALIN).

It used to be that Governor Quitter's blessing was gold-plated; just the thing you wanted if you were a candidate running for office. But lately, she's been skunked.

Take a look at what happens whenever the primary ACTUALLY happens:

A. Clint Didier, GOP Cocksucker candidate for U.S. Senate in Washington state: Didier literally begged Caribou Barbie to help him campaign in Washington after he was showed that as a politician, he was a really good tight end. Didier's anti-government rants sounded really phony after it was shown that he thought hundreds of thousands of dollars in farm subsidies were A-OK for him to take. What did Governor Quitter do for Didier? ONE little robo-call at the last minute. The result? Didier got 12% of the vote in the primary and finished in third place; a big ol' "fuck you!" from the REPUBLICANS.

B. Rita Meyer, GOP Cocksucker gubernatorial candidate for the state of Wyoming: Meyer had lots and lots of university degrees: a B.A. in Education and a B.S. in Finance from the University of Wyoming; an MBA in International Business from Regis University; and a Master's in National Resource Strategy from National Defense University in Washington, D.C. NONE of this cut any ice in Palinland, because Governor Quitter secretly thought all this education made her suspiciously elitist. (Caribou Barbie does not like education.) Still, Meyer HAD been a Colonel in the Air National Guard, which was enough for her, so she endorsed her. The result? The second people found out Meyer was being endorsed by the Know-Nothing Palin, people were lining up to vote against her. She didn't lose by a lot; 700 votes. And she was waiting for absentee ballots from foreign servicemen to come in. When they did, they were showing the troops were voting AGAINST her. she conceded.

C. Karen Handel, GOP gubernatorial candidate for the state of Georgia: This one is probably the sweetest one of all. Handel was leading in the GOP primary over her opponent, in fact, she even won the first round of the primary when up popped Caribou Barbie with her endorsement.
Just like in the Meyer race, Republicans showed up in droves to defeat Handel and managed to get together enough votes to beat her by almost 2,500 votes.
But the best part is WHO beat her. GOP Cocksucker #337 (NATHAN DEAL) the former U.S. Congressman who quit in an effort to avoid being censured for using his congressional post for personal gain by establishing a regional monopoly. In 2009, Deal was named by Citizens for Reponsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) as one of the 15 most corrupt members of congress. This means that Palin's endorsement was good enough to get Handel beat by a crook. LOL!

D. Rep. Todd Tiahrt, GOP Senatorial Candidate for the State of Kansas: Tiahrt, otherwise known as GOP Cocksucker #326 fought bitterly against the health care reform plan that became law. He got the politician's greatest fear on Sept. 21, 2009. No, not being beaten, although he was in the primary race for senate by GOP Cocksucker #377 (REP. JERRY MORAN,) being laughed at. Tiarht got laughed off the stage during a town hall meeting when he tried to tell a bunch of seniors that passing health care reform meant that the government would be telling doctors what they could make, which wasn't true but hey, so what if it was? Governor Quitter didn't even APPEAR in Kansas for this one.

E. Ce ce Heil, GOP Cocksucker candidate for the Tennessee 5th: Before Caribou Barbie's endorsement, Heil was an unknown vying for the GOP nod in the house race for the Tennessee Fifth Congressional District. After the endorsement, Heil became the unknown with Palin's endorsement in the Tennessee Fifth congressional District. Seriously, Caribou Barbie constantly mixed her up with C.C. Pendleton, the pop recording artist of a song Palin didn't even LIKE.
Heil came in third in a field of 11 with 23% of the vote.

Wtth thanks to The Hill, seattletimes.com, Wonkette, Washington City Pages and Tennessean.com